This is a post about a subject very close to home.  My home.  It is about politicians who wouldn’t know poverty if it chewed on their overpaid arses.

It’s about, in part, Jamie Oliver.

Now, to put this out there, I love Jamie.  For years and years, I idolised the man.  He taught me to cook, when I could barely operate a Pot Noodle and we lived off Smash (dehydrated potatoes) and pasta (we even overcooked that).  I would watch all his shows and learn, slowly, from the TV.  In less than a year, I was able to cook a three course meal for 15 people.  Gourmet became easy and I was soon laughing my way through 3 meat roasts and cooked-from-scratch curries.  I owe my skill in the kitchen to Jamie.  I have a lot to thank him for.

Jamie Oliver was good to watch, when I had money.  Before I had six operations, culminating in a partial mastectomy of my right breast.  He was great, before I had a heart attack–caused, in part, by the amount of strain the constant general anaesthetics put on the organ.  Before I was diagnosed with Unstable Angina (that’s the bad sort, if you’re interested.  It means there are days when rolling over in bed causes my heart to seize up and my oxygen levels to fall drastically–on these days, I can just about, with the constant administration of GTN spray, make it to the loo).  Jamie was excellent, before I had to leave a well paid job and fall back on the State and Child Tax Credits, just to help me survive.

I lived comfortably and we wanted for pretty much nothing important.  We were young, in our late twenties, with well paid good jobs and four beautiful, if a bit spoiled, children.  Life was good.

Until it wasn’t good and all I could do was watch, helplessly, as it spiralled down the pan.  I was laid out on the couch every day with a sick-bucket as my constant companion.  They don’t tell you that part–heart failure makes you puke.  A lot.  I couldn’t walk to the shop, 100m from my front door.  I had to stop and rest, sitting on my neighbours walls, every couple of feet.  Work was an impossibility.

Enter the recession.  Goodbye Hubby’s job…thank you and goodnight.  We were now, without question, in the deepest shit it was possible to get into.  Then our landlord sold the house from under us and we were homeless as well.  Luckily, we found another house and my husband found another job pretty bloody quick.  It’s important to feel as though you’re earning money and not sitting on your arse having it handed to you.  Trust me, I know this from experience; it is a major reason I started writing ‘seriously’.

My Food Budget?  About £45 a week.  That’s for five days worth of packed lunches for four people, two lunches for five at the weekend, and seven evening meals.  £45.00.  I was over the moon, when I saw Jamie had a new show on 4oD (yes, I know it’s not *new*, but I don’t watch a lot of TV).  Food on a budget, that sort of thing.  “Hooray,” I thought, “he’ll show me how to feed us all on the money I have.”

Nope.  Not a bit of it.  You see, to Jamie Oliver, a £20 shoulder of lamb is ‘cheap’, because it can do two meals and it’s not the leg, so costs less per kilo.  Two meals, Jamie?  For twenty bloody quid, I want at least four meals.  It’s a sad day when I get angry at Jamie Oliver for being a pretentious arrogant prick.

The reality of poverty is not what you might see on TV, with those delightful characters from Benefit Street (Channel 4).  It isn’t all about people, cursing loudly in the street with a fag in hand and their pyjamas on, while they scream at little 2 year-old Albie to get ‘the fuck indoors, ya little shit, or I’ll faaahkin slap ya, innit!’  It’s not sitting around on a bench with a can of Special Brew, unwashed and stinking of urine, roll-up in filthy fingers.  I don’t smoke.  I can’t afford to smoke.  I don’t know many people who can.  I have bars of soap next to my sinks and I am able to use them to good effect.  I am not dirty.  I am relatively poor.  There is a difference.  It’s not even about food banks, because I don’t know what the hell you have to do to get referred to one, but it’s complicated, a long process.  I have a fear the food banks might be linked to Social Services and I, like most of my peers, were raised to avoid them at all possible costs. (please see part 2 of this blog for details of how to find and get help from your local food bank if you need one.  I know, now, that it is not complicated and does not involve social services.)

The reality of poverty is counting the 2p & 5p coins saved in a bottle, and sending a 10 year old to buy a packet of cheap pasta and a tin of tomatoes, because it’s sort of embarrassing to have to pay with coins and count them out while there is someone behind you with a £20 note.  The reality is eating plain boiled rice and pretending to like it, so the kids don’t know there’s no other food except for what is on their plates.  The reality is having an electric meter, running always on emergency credit, because you can’t afford to get out of the cycle you’re trapped in.  It’s making the choice between putting the heating on for an hour, or going cold and being able to buy a pack of sausages and some potatoes.

The reality of relative poverty is going to the butcher and asking for a pound of mince to be separated into three bags for three meals.  You’d be amazed what I can do with mince.  The reality is going to the supermarkets just before they close, and buying all you can for a fraction of the cost, because it’s going out of date tomorrow.  That’s okay–you’re eating it tomorrow.  It’s value priced peanut butters and cheap cuts of fatty meat.  It’s poor-quality chicken and eggs from barn hens.  It’s learning to mend, reuse, recycle and go without.  It’s washing your hair with washing-up liquid, because it’s all you have until Wednesday, when the Holy Grail of Child Tax Credit hits your account and there’s £50 for shopping.

The reality of poverty is the shame of always having to say, “Sorry, I can’t afford it.”  It’s calling your mum, in tears, because there are bailiffs pounding on the door.  It’s drinking so much water you feel ill, simply so your stomach isn’t painfully empty.

So, Jamie, forgive me for not watching your show.  Forgive me for breaking up with you.  You’re as clueless, you see, as those politicians you hound into raising the school meal standards.  I can’t afford for my kids to eat school meals–not at £2 per child per day (that’s £20 I simply don’t have) and we can’t get them for free, because we’re not ‘on the dole’.  I suggest, before churning out the tripe you film, you come and spend a day in my world.  I’m so cold I can’t feel my fingers as I type this blog about poverty on a computer bought for me by a friend.  I will let you sit next to me and we’ll laugh at how you can see your breath misting in the air above my charity-shop desk.  I’ll show you which needle is used to stitch a hole in the toe of a canvas trainer.  I’ll make you a coffee, but only if you don’t have sugar–that’s a luxury we only buy in if we’re going to make a cake.  You can help me scrub some of the mould from the walls, before it takes over the house entirely.

We can do all of that.  Then, maybe, you’ll realise what poverty is.

Read More here: The Upsetting Truth…Part Two! A follow-on from this article.  Please read this BEFORE leaving comments on this page.  Many thanks.

(A quick addendum: thank you all so much for the messages of support and the overwhelming goodwill.  Answering messages, sending people to the correct links, where they can get help, is time consuming, so please be patient – I am only one person.  Please get in touch via email, if you know of organisations that could be of help to others.  I will be sure to pass all information along the line – and share it all on my Facebook page.  If you are looking for help, advice or just someone to talk to, please contact me either through email or my Facebook page HERE.  I am great at finding numbers and websites that might help.

If you would like to donate to any of the causes that have cropped up thanks to this article, please contact your local food bank, or the Trussel Trust, who will be happy for any donations you can give!

I am an author. I am Indie-Published and I sell my books through Amazon.  I am very new at it all (in the scheme of things – only 7 months old) and I have no outside help or agents to publicise me, pay me, or do any of ‘that stuff’.  I live in rented accommodation and I *do* receive a small amount from Child Tax Credits.  My husband works.  We are above the ‘cut off’ wage of £16,190 p.a and are not entitled to any more than we already claim.  While I see the goodwill behind the thousands of comments telling me to claim free meals, Working Tax Credit etc. etc, we are not entitled to them.  We live in the Grey Area of the benefit system and actually make less than those on benefits, after taxes (but the amount after taxes is not the amount used for calculations).

To do my ‘job’, which is writing, I need the computer to be able to both write and publish my work.  My work supplements my husband’s wage.  It is a necessity not a luxury.  It is the tool of my trade.  While it seems to make sense to say that my computer is a luxury, it was actually a very generous gift from a friend who was staying with us for a while, when he was made homeless after a bereavement.  That I feel the need to justify having a computer is indicative of the ‘stigma and shame’ surrounding poverty.  As though not having a TV, not having Internet, not having a computer, keeping the gas off, eating less…(the list here is endless) will somehow magically change the poverty-stricken situation into one of good times and plenty.)

My books can be found here if you are in the UK, and here if you are elsewhere in the world.  Thank you.

As so many people have asked…here is the link to the paperback version.

688 thoughts on “The Upsetting Reality Of Modern Day Poverty.”

  2. “Please realise, however, that this post was not in any way written to gain money or luxuries from people. While I thank all of you who have offered gifts and money, I honestly cannot accept anything”

    You’re a far better person than I am.

    I’ve been in and out of temp work since uni and spend 75% of my out of work benefits on renting a room (and a lot of the rest servicing debts), but I know that at least I have my health, and I’m extremely fortunate utility bills are included in my rent, so I have heating and electricity.

    The above must be horrible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally understand what you are saying and you have put it very well.A girl called Jack is pretty good and tells you how much a meal will cost. Doesnt work for me unfortunately as I am Coeliac and vegetarian but meal ideas are good and really cheap

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    2. On reading this it brought back memories, some harsh, others slightly still in the present. Mixed emotions bubble, but luckily a wry laugh generally. Having been there, without major illness, but alone with two children, surviving sometimes by the skin of teeth, I found this to be comforting, if you get my drift. The penny saving part did make me giggle.
      One thing is evident, you write extremely well and have kept humour in life and it’s ‘joys’.

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      2. The Irish have a good saying. If you could plant your cross of troubles in a field and pick another, you would walk but a mile before going back for your own.
        I am lucky – I have two wonderful children, a job around said children, a home and still our old fur baby – that is what makes it all bearable, as most likely for you too.
        I hope things ease up and you continue writing.

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    3. Great,but why single out the so called “common” people do you believe you are the only person who has had a shit time,walk a day in there shoes before labeling them all with the scrounging Chav label,hope your health improves and you find much success with your writing.

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    4. You eat meat, indicating little if any compassion or care for animals. You have 4 children, indicating little if any compassion or care for your fellow human beings. Yet you seem to feel hard done by, or are seeking sympathy. Despite the way your lifestyle has reduced so profoundly my own quality of life, I do think you have a good point about TV cooks and the actual cost of food today.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. when I was truly poor I had neither tv to warrant a tv licence and most definatly couldn’t afford broadband or 4od. Cancel these and you will be able to feed your children properly. the librarys have free internet and food banks are free 🙂

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      3. I don’t agree with your comment, the writer isn’t looking for sympathy at all, it is a well written reality check that I don’t believe you’ve comprehended. Your comment regarding children is arrogant and judgmental. I’m not entering into an argument about eating meat. That is a personal choice that no one has the right to comment on and certainly meant to be inflammatory.

        Liked by 1 person

    6. Good to read your blog.Kathleen – so glad that many have responded to it.
      Sorry that you are having such a rough time with your health though. However you sound positive, and are using your skills to help supplement your family income – well done you.
      Regards
      Helen

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  4. A friend of mine shared this and, like many others, I’ve just read in tears and laughter. Not only do you write beautifully, but having been where you are, I can also say you write truthfully.

    I’m a freelance writer and use a few sites like Copify, People per Hour and Great Content for top ups when I’m between clients. I’m assuming you’ve done likewise to supplement book writing but thought it worth mentioning.

    I wish you and your family all the best in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Also I’d second investigating whether your income is low enough to get free school meals – I think some working families qualify.

    I don’t think the Trussel Trust and other food banks are necessarily linked to social services though I understand the paranoia. They are only a short term plaster anyway (they usually have a time limit on the often flawed assumption that food insecurity is caused by a short term, resolvable problem) and not a long term solution.

    If you’re ever really hungry – despite your pride and reluctance to accept charity and out-of-work benefits – nearly every Sikh place of worship and a lot of churches, other places of worship and other non religious soup kitchens – mostly in large urban areas though – provide free hot meals, usually without any means testing to anyone who walks in the door.

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  6. Writing seriously…..mmmm not to sure. Sounds like piss poor fiction for attention to me.
    You have a lot to thank Jamie for then slate him when times get bad. Maybe if you had saved some money for a rainy day instead of cooking ‘gourmet 3 course meals’ for 15 people! Who has a rented house that can sit 15 people for dinner!?
    Maybe if you invested in health insurance when you weren’t short of a few bob!
    Times are tough for a lot of people and most have / will never seen riches like you had, or so it would appear.
    I am sorry if really have have poor health but save us from your poorly written bleeding heart stories. Save it for filling out your health benefit claims.

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    1. Did you really have to comment? Don’t be a dick. If you’ve got nothing nice to say don’t say nothing at all.

      I wish you and your family all the best. Great piece x

      Liked by 1 person

    2. You make me sick.

      Things happen – I don’t have a savings account for when my heart fails or my partner is made redundant. Does that make all future calamities my own fault?

      We live in a social democratic society – the kind where those in power are meant to represent those that aren’t, at every level, and all people have an obligation to help each other. That’s why we have an NHS. Your victim-blaming, right-wing, self-gratifying rhetoric makes me want to puke.

      I imagine you’re the kind of person that would vote to scrap health benefits without even a thought.

      Liked by 2 people

    3. What a dreadful thing to say, CJ. Kathleen has had a hell of a lot handed to her and her family in her life and she didn’t deserve your comments. Anyone else would have given up and asked the State to provide everything, but her and her husband have battled on without having to do that.

      She has started writing to try and subsidise her husband’s wages, even though she’s asking very little for her books.

      If you and your family suddenly, with no warning find yourselves in the same place, I really hope no-one says the same to you as you’ve said to her.

      In conclusion I would say that Kathleen, her husband and children are the bravest people I’ve ever known.

      Liked by 2 people

    5. Not everyone is as lucky as you are, CJ. People don’t always think to get health insurance, as their health is the last thing on their minds when they’re sorting work and their kids’ schools etc. I think The idea of the meal for 15 people was probably so she could reference it later, that she had the money to emulate his cooking, he does huge meals for great parties, and now she can barely manage one meal for her family?
      She doesn’t get any health benefits, this has been said, if you took the time to read. and if you knew anything about anything you’d know that those forms only take the facts down, they don’t take ‘bleeding heart stories’ because the benefits people don’t care.
      I’m epileptic. I can’t drive, I can’t lift a kettle without it jerking out of my hand and covering me in scalding water. I will never achieve my dream therefore of being an HGV driver, nor my secondary dream of being a midwife.
      But these benefits forms don’t care, it’s just a form.
      And the benefits people don’t pay out, because I could happily, apparently, have another job.
      Kathleen has taken the time and the effort to write about her experience and is using her writing skills to support her husband, and I think you should be commending her for that. She’s not gone down and signed on, which I’m sure would be something else you’d whinge at her for.
      Instead of picking fault with someone, find something nice to say, you might lead a happier life yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

    6. Don’t know what your on CJ, but it is obviously something that is harmful to your moral fibre and your cognitive reasoning, as you seem to demonstrate a compleat lack thereof!

      As for for your contrived, trite comment about ‘Who has a rented house that can sit 15 people for dinner?’ Well I for one have regular dinner parties’ for 10 to 15 people, and I live in a ‘rented house’. Oh and further to that all the houses in my sector are the same size and a mixture of rented and owner occupied, so quite a few!

      As for your bahhh bleat about Health Insurance, that is what National Insurance Contributions ARE! But idiots like yourself and the mongrels who run this country are not interested in the ‘lot’ of the citizens, but only their own self aggrandisement.

      As someone previously posted, if all you can be is negative, then be negative elsewhere, not on here. Indeed why don’t don’t you join your fellow traveller IDS and celebrate how lovely and exciting it is to open another ‘Food Bank’ whilst spending an obscene £100billion on Weapons of Mass Destruction!

      Right down your knuckle dragging alley, no doubt!

      Apols to other readers for the strong wording, but this ‘person’, and I use the term, ‘advisedly’ is a compleat Albert H!

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    7. CJ, what a heartless, smug, uncaring person you are, may Karma come at you with a great big Steam Roller, may you endure poverty and severe illness, how dare you write such inane tripe, while you are sat in the warmth, eating, your favourite food, watching T.V, you sanctimonious anal orifice, if you don’t have any children may you never have them, because who would want a non- empathetic parent like you. May you step into a great big hole and get swallowed up, so there is one less self absorbed person on this planet.

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  7. I relate a lot to this post. Thank you for writing so candidly. I am lucky enough not to have health problems or any young hungry mouths to feed, but I am 21 and trying my best on minimum wage with my partner to live independently of my family’s financial aid. My best friend lives with her mum who pays off her £500+ credit card bill regularly, and who moans to me that she only has £30 to spend on clothes this week. I hate that this makes me so bitter but my living situation makes it really really REALLY hard to take that. I suspect this is similar to your frustration with Jamie Oliver.
    We have the same problems with mould, we don’t go out, we don’t actually do anything other than walk, ‘for fun’. And there’s something awfully meaningless in walking just because you have to get out of the cramped mould-ridden flat for half an hour to try and salvage some sense of sanity.
    Throughout our struggle with finance, it frequently occurs to me that I am incredibly lucky that my worst-case-scenario would be to go to live with my mother, even if the idea fills me with dread, anxiety and more depression than that which I currently have. I feel lucky because that will always be an option for me – where for so many people today, the next best option to their situation is homelessness. There’s something incredibly humbling about being in a bad place – the worse it gets, the more pain I have in my heart for people who have less than myself. And that’s something I never really felt when I lived in a cosy lifestyle, as a youngster in my mum’s home.
    Sorry for the rant – I can’t express this to the people around me so it feels quite good to get it out anonymously.
    I hope things improve for you Kathleen, as I do for so many people in our modern-day living. All the best. x

    Liked by 3 people

      1. The mould is finally being addressed (after 3 years of pointing it out to the letting agency). We do clean it, fortnightly with all kinds of special solutions. Unfortunately, the back of the house (where the mould is worst) has no rendering, a leaking gutter pipe, tiles missing from the roof and is in desperate need of re-pointing. What has happened is that whenever it rains (oh, for the desert!) the water is seeping between the outer and inner bricks. The damp has penetrated the actual brickwork, inside the house, and the mould spores are growing from there. We clean it every two weeks/every month. The mould comes back again and again. I told the letting agents, who *said* they had told my landlord. They had not. The landlord came round at last, 2 days ago, thinking to arrange for a kitchen replacement (ours is early 90s, late 80s and a bit broken). The poor woman left shaking with rage and close to tears. She told me she was ashamed to own the house. She told me I should have withheld rent. She told me I should have gone to the council. 4 years ago, I was evicted by a landlord who sold the house from under us. We were housed, by the council, in the private sector where the rent is £800 a month. Terrified of facing eviction again, not paying rent was a terrifying prospect and one that, ultimately, I was unable to do. Just in case our home, however dilapidated and crumbling, was taken from us again.
        The damage caused by the Letting Agents neglect is now in the tens of thousands. Had it been addressed and dealt with three years ago, when I first started reporting it, it would have cost the landlord less than £5,000. She is now dealing with it all. From the crumbling fireplace to the soaking wet living room walls, that actually make your clothes wet if you lean against them. She is gutting my daughters’ bedroom and stripping it back to brick to treat the root cause; my youngest daughter has increasingly severe asthma, caused by the fact she sleeps in a room that is black with mould 14 days after it has been cleaned. My 16 year old has joint pains, caused in part by the damp. My heart condition suffers. I am beyond ecstatic that our lives and quality of living will improve, and thankful to the woman who owns this house for not giving up and simply selling it on, as the last landlord did.

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      2. “The damage caused by the Letting Agents neglect… My 16 year old has joint pains, caused in part by the damp”

        As I said elsewhere on this post, I own my flat – your comment has just convinced me that I will *never* go via a letting agent. It’s not an issue at the moment, as I live here myself (and have had lodgers in the spare bedroom most of the time), but if I ever need to let the entire flat, I will sure as hell not be an absentee landlord relying on some agent, for the sake of both my property and my tenants’ health.

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  8. @Sharon:

    “Poverty is living in the slums, having no choice of being able to walk into a charity shop to buy warm, cheap clothes or having the luxury of family passing down outgrown clothing on to you.”

    If you’re gonna take that attitude, then even living in slums (and how do you define “slum”, we have some overcrowded and often illegal and dangerous residences rented out in this country) isn’t really “poverty”, then that’s luxury compared to people living on the street.

    “Poverty” has a lot of different definitions, “relative poverty” based on earning under 60% of median income is arguably a slippery and potentially unhelpful measure, but I don’t see how someone who can’t afford heating and adequate shelter and food despite her husband working in one of the richest countries on earth is not in “poverty”. If she isn’t, surely the word “poverty” has lost all meaning?

    Even if it isn’t quite “absolute poverty” – which this country does have too. How is a rough sleeper not in absolute poverty just because they may eat better than a slum dweller in Bombay or a farm hand in sub Saharan Africa?

    Even with the dismantling of our welfare state, it is very difficult for people to end up in as much abject poverty as a slum dweller in the Third World for structural reasons, e.g. it’s illegal to cut off mains water in the UK for non payment and most housing has it, charities give out food and hot meals for free and even a rough sleeping beggar could potentially receive enough spare change to just about eat enough to keep him or her alive, anything resembling a shanty towns would usually be torn down by the police and local authorities here and subject to complaints from local residents (look at the travellers in Dale Farm for instance).

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  9. If you are really that short of money then are you not eligible for family credits? People who are living off of a small family income are entitled to help, especially if there are kids involved. This can be hundreds of pounds a month which could help ease the struggle a little.

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    1. Child Tax Credit, yes. I realise that many people aren’t aware of them, but I do receive them, but it’s not ‘hundreds’ of pounds, unfortunately. Still, live and hope 🙂

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  10. This is an amazing bit of writing. You have hit the nail on the head here and I applaud you. I am one of the “hidden poor” myself. Unable to find permanent work despite applying everyday for several jobs, I survive on JSA and Housing Benefit (between temp jobs) but still have to pay £200 excess on my rent, leaving me with £35 a fortnight to buy food and pay bills as I am not entitled to any other help. Still, I have my health and am moving back home to be nearer family in the next few days. I hope your blog reaches many, many, more people and that soon the hidden poor will get the help we so desperately need.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Kathleen, I really do empathise with you, I to have had major heart illness, and major surgery, through my life and, through no fault of my own, have been without money, and I mean absolutely no money whatsoever, from any sources, I have been without food and have been without energy. I have survived.

    I notice that you mention £45 Child Credit? the current child benefit rate,is £47.60 per week for 3 children, further to this you could be entitled to Personal Independent Payment of upto £138.05 per week, which totals £185.65 per week, of course you would then have your partners ‘salary’ on top of that. Are you actually claiming and receiving what you and your partner have paid for and are lawfully entitled too?

    I know from personal experience, navigating your way through your lawful entitlements is a daunting and sometimes difficult task, but I am sure there are support groups in your area that can assist you.

    One way that may help to alleviate your parlous position, is to make sure that you are receiving the Social Financial Support that you are lawfully entitled to receive, including ‘free meals’ for your children at school, which is not necessarily dependant on ‘being on the dole’.

    You are obviously a brave, courageous and determined lady,so do not cast your hopes out of the window, use the abilities that you have and fight for your lawful entitlements, your climb back from the depths begins with your first ‘keystroke’ to find assistance in your area that is available to you.

    So I beseech you to do this now for you, your partner and most of all your children’s sake,
    May your God go with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. You should be able to her free school meals. I know it will only make a small difference and doesn’t help at all in the school holidays but is definately worth looking into. Also you should be entitled to mobility allowance which may be helpful. I know bothe are a pitiful amount for someone on your circumstances but they may ease things a little. Were you working before, did you leave part way through a year? You might be entitled to a small tax rebate, or your husband if he was laid off part way through the year. Good luck. X

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    1. Unfortunately, I am not entitled to any of the disability benefits (I had checked and applied–no luck there). And although there are many councils across the country that give free school meals to those on Tax Credits, ours is not one of them. I tried (again) and have been told that I must be on a ‘full’ benefit, such as JSA etc, which I am not. The only help I receive is the Child Tax Credit, Child Benefit and a small (pitifully small) rent ‘top-up’ payment.
      Thank you however for pointing all of this out–I sincerely hope it will help someone else who sees it. There are many payments and benefits out there that people are unaware of. I hope they see this and find it helpful.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Disability Living Allowance or the new PIP is sometimes hard to get – I know people who have only got it on their fourth application! I was lucky enough to get it after one application. …… please try again, you write that you have the baddest of days, so fill the forms in like you’re having the worst day ever! I hope you get lucky.

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  13. You and I could be sisters. I am in Canada and have experienced a little of what you have lived through. I had to leave a good paying government job for medical reasons and the insurance company who didn’t mind taking my money, decided they would not be paying out. I also became a single parent around the same time. I had no income and two children. I got creative and my two girls became my heroes, never complaining about the food or clothes. I wondered when it would get better and I spent some dark moments thinking that my kids would be better off without me, but I couldn’t do that to my kids. God forgive me, I even began to resent my kids because I couldn’t end my life because of the consequences for them. But I loved them because I knew they were my only purpose for living. My head kept spinning as I spiraled further down. This new normal continued for a dozen years.

    My life is different now and I’m grateful every day for what I have. I am, by no means, well to do, but I don’t suffer or want for anything. My girls are grown and have careers and families. Your writing humbles me and reminds me. I don’t know you or know if you are a spiritual person but I’m going to remember you and try to remember not to take what I have for granted. And, if you don’t mind I am going to remember you and your family in my prayers.

    Denise

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  15. poverty is dreading coming home from scholl to fi d your mum has made a stew containing everything in the cupboards as it was a week away fron payday and we could stretch a pot of stew between us for a week. Your blog rang very true and made me appreciate what I have now

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  18. hi kathleen,

    i’ve been there, about 6 years ago my partner was struggling to find work and i couldn’t work as i was taking care of 3 small children 2 of which are special needs (autism and learning difficulties) if it wasn’t for the kindness of family and friends and the local food bank i don’t know what we would of done, we lived off of stew that was stretched and stretched over the course of 4-5 days, pasta bake and the occaisional basics angel delight as a special treat, the only reason the kids had a christmas was due to their wonderful grandparents. thankfully my partner did find work and things improved a great deal for us although we still live on a budget we no longer have to choose between putting food in our bellies or electric in the meter for which i am eternally grateful. your story is one of many unfortunately, there are many people living as you are including my adopted daughter and her children although we do what we can to help. it looks like your doing an amazing job with what you have, and your kids are lucky to have such a strong resiliant mother they must be so proud to call you mum.i truly hope that things will turn around for you all soon, if it helps the citizens advice bureau gives advice to people about what help they can recieve they helped me get dla for my special needs children which i didn’t know we could get and carers allowance for one child as well again i wasn’t aware i could be entitled to such things, it always worth a phone call to find out. also you don’t have to be on thedole for free school meals so it’s worth looking into that as well xx take care and god bless xx

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  19. Pingback: The Upsetting Reality Of Modern Day Poverty. | jagwal

    1. I was born into poverty and mother made something of herself and together she and the man who is now her husband are very rich indeed. But they are horrid now. She was nice when she was poor. The more money they had, the more horrid they became. It made me a sad teenager and possibly a bitter adult.
      I left, wanting none of it. I am a poor person now, but I am a happier person being away from her, making my own way in life despite being this poor.

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  21. Reblogged this on Karl Mercer for Independent Councillor of Seacombe and commented:
    This has just brought me to tears!! Its absolutely heartbreaking knowing that people are literally living like this every day in our own country!! It’s disgusting! I know everyone has struggles, I’ve struggled myself at times but I’m very lucky to have the amazing mum, dad & family I have who are always there for me with love & support!x But I know not everyone is that lucky & that just breaks my heart that people are just left to struggle & are judged for it by people who have no idea what it’s like to really be on your arse & struggling!! This day in age that should not be happening!

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  22. Before I moved city, my parents lived terribly. They got stuck with a cycle of debt from loans (they got a loan it to pay for another loan and so on) there was me 17 at the time and my youngest step brother 14-15. I got £1 a day for lunch (I could buy a cheap energy drink and a packet of crisps at the shop because college food was to expensive (i couldn’t help out by being a part time job because my parents didn’t want to lose my child benefit) My step brother got the same even though the school food was £2.10. Step mum hadn’t worked for years, saying that no one would employ her because she was in her mid 30’s and employers wanted younger staff, then said who would be home when we were ill (always changed her story, in reality she never looked) my dad lost his job. They went to CAP (Christians against poverty) and got food stamps for the local food bank (so I doubt it’s linked to social services or they’d have questioned if they could even look after my step brother and plus I believe is a charity because people donate the food).
    I know how you feel, I really do. I’m getting my life back together from moving. I don’t have health issues as bad as yours but employers don’t want someone with hip problems it seems, so I’m on doll, can barely afford to pay my landlord, along with my bills and food (though life is actually financially better for me) but I want to eat healthier yet can’t afford to. It’s making Iceland ready meals. It’s really terrible knowing that the money we get now use to go a long way with shopping, yet this day and age it can’t get us passed ready meals and tea.

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  23. Thanks for this thought provoking blog post. I have mixed feelings reading it, but brings up many important issues and an interesting discussion in the comments. On one hand, I truly empathise having lived on a shoestring many times, and like yourself often struggle to bring in a stable income for my family. On the other hand, I have also witnessed extreme poverty and see that all things are relative.
    As a half Indonesian-half Scot and brought up as a child in Jakarta, one of the most densely populated parts of the world, occasionally I return to visit family there. Seeing both the suffering, resourcefulness and positive can-do attitude of people who do not get entitlements to any benefits at all, it really brings things into perspective and reframes my own more westernized notion of ‘being poor’.
    I know cultures are completely different and everyone’s suffering is valid, but personally I feel extremely privileged and grateful to live in the UK, a country where healthcare and government support for the less advantaged exists at all.
    That’s brilliant that Jamie inspired you to learn how to cook and eat healthier, perhaps you may not be able to get all the ingredients he recommends now, but hopefully you will again and can bring yourself to enjoy his recipes once more. I’m pretty sure he means well, compared to many other TV chefs out there, and while some may envy his success, I feel he has earned his big bucks through his own hard graft and initiative.
    I’m glad you have already encountered food writers like A Girl Called Jack who specialize in good food on budget, and that you have family who can help you out in times of trouble. I opt not to have a TV not only to reduce the extra cost of the license, but it really does free up wasted time which could give you space to create new income streams.
    Reducing meat intake can also mean you can buy a lot more vegetables to fill up on for the same price, and feel healthier. Nuts and pulses are a great alternative source of protein to add to veggie meals.
    There are many resources out there for a healthy diet for pennies or less when we start looking. In fact, food grows freely in wild spaces in your local countryside and cycle paths. Look up foraging youtube videos, foraging bloggers, and books in your local library to help empower you to shop for free in nature’s supermarket. I wish you all the best!

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  25. Thank you for having the courage to retell this story. If you want to get referred to a local food bank, go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau. Our advisers are trained to be sympathetic and non-judgemental. Sometimes life deals you a bad hand, it’s not God’s fault or anyone’s, but things will improve. Take care.

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  26. “That I feel the need to justify having a computer is indicative of the ‘stigma and shame’ surrounding poverty. As though not having a TV, not having Internet, not having a computer, keeping the gas off, eating less…(the list here is endless) will somehow magically change the poverty-stricken situation into one of good times and plenty.”

    I want to comment on this, because it’s a part of the poverty stigma that *really* ticks me off*. Computers themselves are incredibly cheap, you can often blag a machine that’s still (just about) adequate for general use (web/email/word processing/whatever) on Freecycle for, well, free. Yes, internet access is an ongoing monthly expense and can be a substantial one, but to suggest that it’s a luxury is absurd, even for people who aren’t earning money by freelance online work. I mean, most admin – utility bills, banking, council tax, not to mention benefits! – not only *can* be done online these days, but increasingly *must* be, or at least you’re *penalised* for not doing it online. And it’s useful to the point of indispensable for job-hunting, education (if you have kids, particularly), socialising (especially for ill/disabled people) and, maybe, looking up genuine budget-cooking recipes from people like Jack Monroe… although I guess the poverty-shaming response to this would be that you can do all of these things using the free internet-enabled PCs at your local library (if the Tory cuts haven’t closed it) which, being poor, you should be grateful for having to trek to, uphill both ways, through the snow, etc.
    (All this reminds me of a point the writer/activist Cory Doctorow keeps repeating – apparently there’s research that shows that internet access improves social outcomes for families in poverty in pretty much every way imaginable – likelihood of finding work, children’s educational outcomes, health/nutrition, etc. Here’s a link that discusses some of the research: http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2009/oct/12/digital-inclusion-martha-lane-fox)

    The same is true, possibly even more so, for mobile phones – basic handsets are absurdly cheap even when bought new, and keeping one of those around with the occasional pay-as-you-go topup is a LOT cheaper than having a landline. And having a phone is pretty much indispensable for, among many other things, job-hunting, surely – which is all that poor people are supposed to be doing all day, obviously (sigh).

    *I’m not poor myself as such – I have a substantial financial safety cushion in the bank and own my own home, mortgage-free – but I am ill/disabled and have very little income, so I’m trying to live as cheaply as possible and not spend my savings. And also, unlike apparently quite a lot of people, I am capable of at least a little bit of empathy…

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    1. Although let me add something – as I feel my note at the end about empathy sounds a bit too self-congratulatory: the other points in my comment don’t even require empathy. They’re objectively true, evidence-supported, facts. Making sure poor people have access to the internet is going to *save* the benefits system money, in the end. But that’s assuming the aim is to reduce benefits spending, rather than just to punish poor people for being poor…

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  27. I’ve been in your shoes love, hell sometimes I’m still there. Buy the Smart Price meat from ASDA and halve it. Freeze it and it serves three for each portion. Watch the SP bags of Frozen veg – sometimes the CBY are a penny cheaper! Get food delivered rather than going in the car – you can get it for a £1 if you aren’t picky for days or times and TRUST ME does it save on petrol once you’ve broken down the insurance, petrol, car costs etc. Buy pork shoulders instead of leg, it saves a fortune. You don’t need a TV licence, watch it all on CATCH UP! Saving of over £100 a year. YES THEY DO DO THIS! AND you can get a refund of what you’ve already paid. Make in bulk, pack out meat meals with veggies as it’s very cheap such as chilis and spag bols, mince pies, shepherds and cottage pies and you’ll save a fortune. Chicken is a nice change to mince in a chili for a treat, shred the chicken after you’ve boiled it, don’t roast it and NEVER use the water, use chicken oxo instead of beef and you’re sorted. Get in lentils for a lentil lasagne sometimes.
    Don’t be afraid to buy stores’ cheapest brands, they taste just the same and are made in the same places. Girlfriend of mine works in a factory where they make the packaging for Morrison’s value and Warburton’s crumpets and the only difference between them is the direction they’re sorted into going on the conveyor belt.
    Don’t buy even store brands of cleaners. Make your own with bicarb, lemon juice, look on youtube for the exact mixes and concoctions but it’s miles cheaper and your bathroom comes up so much cleaner, every time.
    Don’t use Flash on the floor, boil the kettle, pour it in the mop bucket, mop it straight over vigorously and go have a cuppa while it dries. No fuss and no expense.
    For three ‘wet’ uses of the WC, don’t flush, just put the lid down. Water costs a FORTUNE. All none wet uses, trust me you wanna get rid of that thing! If you’re family, no one will care you’ve seen each others’ worst so no one will care and you all need to pull together. It’s awful but food isn’t the only expense.
    Hope I’ve helped save you even more money than you’re trying to already…

    P.s. Jamie can’t cook. He doesn’t use Worcestershire sauce in ANYTHING! 😉 x

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  28. I was referred to this blog by a good friend. The real shame in this country is not the people on benefits who have never worked, but the working poor. Somebody, who does everything right but still struggles to meet basic living.

    I will pray that your strength will persevere and see you through your troubles into a brighter tomorrow.

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  29. Honey, bless you, I know your situation well, my kids spent half their childhood winters waddling round in sleeping bags with the bottoms unzipped and we giggled about it while I made hot water bottles for them and went to bed early cos it was so flippin cold, My kids grew up with the mantra of “sorry love, we can’t afford it.” I also had a homeless friend come and stay for a while, it was a blessing because sometimes she could chuck a few quid in my meter. This winter has been the most luxurious so far as I got a new job and was able to say to my kids “it’s ok, put the heater on in your room”. And my daughter looks at me like I’m mad and say’s “but mum, that’s a waste of electricity!” And for once I can say, “I don’t care, we deserve to be warm” This job is temporary though, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts and hope the new shoes I bought for them last long enough, and I still go yellow label hunting on my way home from work because, well, it means we can afford to be warm. At least my kids have learned how to get by on next to nothing and they’ve learned how to pull together to support each other, I hope they’re able to afford better lives, but if I look back through my mums life and my grandparent’s (My Nana used to pawn my Grandad’s suit on a Wednesday and get it back for him by the weekend, he was unaware of this for all the years she did it) I don’t hold out much hope.

    All the good will in the world won’t change your situation, and I wish I could give you more than words, I hope your health remains stable, even improves. At least it won’t be winter forever. Maybe we’ll get another warm summer, maybe enough people will turn out to vote and we might end up with a slightly more humane government, fingers crossed.

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  30. This reminds me off years of my childhood, when their where days our wondows had ice on the inside, days all six of us squeezed in one bed, days my parents went hungry to feed us kids, times having to share baths & bath water with everyone. Luckily life has got better, we can now afford luxuries in our lives and growing like this has made me have great respect for my parents, and the lives we have, it may have made me angry at people for having it all handed on a plate, but at least I know i can surive!
    I hope the future is brighter for you, even as a child I could see the hardship & managed because of my loved ones around me, have faith & live happy even in the tough times, those who give up will never see the light st the end of the tunnel

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  31. A friend shared this, an inspiring post.

    I just wanted to point you in the direction of a forum I use called The Money Shed (www.themoneyshed.co.uk). It’s the UK’s largest site dedicated to earning online and from home (think of MoneySavingExpert but a nicer community) There might be a few things on there to help you have an extra few quid each month, I know it has helped me and my family.

    Keep smiling and good luck 🙂

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  34. Not been funny it’s a terrible situation you’ve been in but you can’t blame Jamie Oliver. I got made redundant in December and at the minute it’s just my wife working we also find it a struggle and we have just one daughter. The only people to blame are the government I had a job interview only yesterday And had to turn a job down as its a zero hour contract . This is a scheme invented by the government to make unemployment figures better. I turned the job down on the basis that I would possibly have no shifts some weeks thus no wages but I would be classed as employed so would loose what little benefit help we do get. So the only ones to blame are Westminster and this is partly down to immigration and I am not racist in anyway my daughters godfather is from Zambia and came here aged five and I have very close Muslim friends, however when you let people waltz in to the country and immediately claim benefits or work illegally then problems wIll never be solved. Also if you read in to itjamie Oliver helps a lot of disadvantaged kids get jobs so maybe looking at the Eejits running the country and sounding off at them is a better idea.

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    1. Oh FFS, it’s nice that you’re not ‘racist’ about it (what, you hate black foreigners and white foreigners equally?) but please don’t do this.
      I can’t be bothered to argue exhaustively now, I seem to recall there is evidence that immigrants generally don’t ‘take jobs away’ from local people or anything like that. But what I want to get at is the idea that people can ‘waltz in to the country and immediately claim benefits’ – firstly, only immigrants from other EU countries can do this, and even then there are limits. Plus don’t forget that equally, British people can waltz into other EU countries and immediately claim benefits. Secondly, the statistics show that very few of these EU immigrants actually do claim benefits. For one thing, the British benefits system simply isn’t that generous, the idea that people are better off on benefits here than in their home countries is not true for a lot of them. Also, there are actually more British people claiming benefits in other EU countries than EU immigrants claiming benefits here. Let me say that again: there are more Brits sponging off foreign taxpayers than there are foreigners sponging of the British taxpayer.
      (I know I haven’t addressed the ‘working illegally’ part. I don’t believe that that’s a major reason why people can’t find legitimate jobs, but I do agree it’s a problem, if only because illegal workers are often also paid less than minimum wage and so live in shocking poverty, and employers who hire people illegally are likely to be less bothered about, say, health and safety.)

      Completely agree with you on the zero-hour contracts issue, of course.

      But yeah, this is something of a sore point for me. I *am* an immigrant from another EU country – although for what it’s worth, I neither claim benefits nor do I work (so I’m not taking anyone’s job away!). Though I do use the NHS, I suppose. But the reason I live here isn’t to exploit the benefits system or NHS, it’s because I like it here, I have friends here and feel at home.

      Liked by 1 person

  36. To hear this is so upsetting i wish i could help. There is this quite cheap meal that is very nice its 500grams of pasta and 500g of bacon and pasta sauce, down Morrison’s they sell that bacon for 81p its precut bacon and the pasta sauce cost 50p and pasta at 39p for 500grans and this meal can serve 6 and if you have the extra money cheese on top is lovely, so this serves six for less than £2.00 i hope this helps

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  37. Reblogged this on Dear Prime Minister and commented:
    There’s nothing more I can add to this. It reminds me of the days when £25 was our weekly food and housekeeping budget because the banks were hounding us, the mortgage company were looking to take our home, and I still worked between 80 and 100 hours per week just to stand still. That’s the reality of the “real world” and despite the promises of those who would like to be elected later this year, the poverty trap will not change for many….

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I have read comments etc on her im a single mum of 4 on benefits. My children have a balanced diet I don’t buy smart price as they won’t eat it. My shopping bill is 50 pound a week. It’s called being thrifty go stores late get reduced stuff and freeze them. All talk of poverty we are not poor but things can be hard. But benefit street etc paint a bad picture.

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  39. Pingback: The Upsetting Reality Of Modern Day Poverty. | Over hills and far away…

  40. What a load of drivel! ‘Washing hair with washing up liquid’, you can buy shampoo at a pound shop! And instead of asking the butcher to seperate you mince in to three portions, if you’re so embarrassed do it yourself and pad the mince out with red lentils. From start to finish this piece is a load of rubbish.

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  41. I do feel for you but also agree with some of the comments about saving money by eating less meat. I reckon I’ve saved thousands of pounds being a veggie for the past 20-odd years!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. we have a lot of ‘meat free’ days. 🙂 I used mince simply as an example of how far it can stretch. To me, mince is a superfood–add ‘bulking’ ingredients and 1/3rd of a pound can go so far. Canned tomatoes, mushrooms (ridiculously cheap) and a meal is born!

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  43. This bought tears to my eyes as I have known throughout my life people, friends and even some distant family that have been in this situation.

    It seems that at the age of 21 myself I can understand your hardships and some adults commenting cannot which shows such a mature audience that can be perceived as.

    Jamie Oliver likes to put himself across as a good person but charging people for school meals is somewhat ridiculous, everyone pays their taxes so they should be entitled to having their children fed at school. I thought when I started university last year his cheap meals would be a god send but £20 on one joint it ridiculous as I can use that money to feed myself for a week!

    I completely understand the benefits street comment as those people on that show are far more capable of being able to work unlike yourself whom cannot due to health problems. Even though the NHS is free for health care they seem to keep taking shortcuts on the benefits of those who cannot work. Living in that way though will make your children into much stronger adults and will inspire them to be strong as their mother has been.

    I wish you all the best in your future endeavours and that your current situation hopefully will improve in the future. Keep writing and continue to be inspired. Take little notice of what horrible people decide to write.

    Best Wishes

    21 Year Old University Student.

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  45. your a very brave lady Kathleen and thank you for sharing with us xxx
    As for you SAF in today’s society people who work shouldn’t have to live like this and depend on food banks no one should have to its this government all over hit the poor the hardest your comments come over very small minded!

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  46. i feel your pain and please believe me when I say I am in total agreement… I am unfortunately one of those “hard working poor people” you write about, im a self employed taxi driver (due to there being very little employment opportunities in the small town I live in) and let me express to you how brasicly skint I truly am… I earn net per year around £500 after taking out insurance, road tax, council mot, liscence cost, fuel cost and oh so much more… Yet I have to pay £50 per week rent, council tax at £10 per week, Gas & electric at £20-25 per week (I’ve gotten this down as far as I possibly can without freezing) and that’s before I even think about food… I cant actually afford food most weeks and have to seriously rely on friends/family… I wish just ONE of these politicia and fat cats would come and see just how hard it is for people like me.
    I refuse to go on the dole or JSA even though I know I would be better off financially as im just not built that way, I can’t blag free money for nothing and drain our economy and be so lazy when I have the full ability to work.

    I do feel sometimes that there’s not much to actually live for anymore, the compassion from people I used to see as a child are all but gone and the level of pure evilness in people on a daily basis is on the increase… I still see on the odd occasion the beauty of people and I do my absolute best to right by others, my motto in life is simply “it’s nice to be nice”, I truly hope your situation improves and I thank you for showing me im not the only one struggling so drastically… Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Please, PLEASE hang in there, Darren. You have so much to carry on for. It’s hard, but never lose hope that something better could be around the corner xx
      All the very best to you and I hope things improve, and quickly.

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  47. Modern day poverty you don’t know the meaning of the word. The word poverty is banded around so easily these days the meaning of it has become diluted. People consider themselves poor if they can’t afford the latest phone or have to drive a second hand car! I have witnessed people visiting a food bank who have just sent a text on there iPhone a £700 device! People want everything now and believe it is there right to have it wether they work hard for it or not. It also comes down to choices if you can’t afford to feed your family, don’t have a family, but that’s far too sensible a view for modern society. I can remember when I was growing up in the late 70’s and early 80’s we didn’t have a tv till I was about 10 because my mum and dad couldn’t afford it, as the important things such as food and amenities were put before luxuries. Values it seems that have been long since forgotten.

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  48. I’m in Australia and have been unemployed for 4 years but am on our disability payments due to a couple of issues, when combined in a job interview, often mean I don’t get the job.
    I’m also studying an online course via an interstate university so a computer/internet connection is a must, due to the number of hours of study required each week. When my old laptop suddenly died in Oct. 2012, I had a short term part time job, though still received part payment from the Government, yet this didn’t qualify me for a loan or other thing to buy another computer as I needed it ‘then’, I couldn’t put one on layby and pay it off over a few months.

    The university people told me to go to the Government payment office and say that a computer was an essential part of the study, but this place thinks I’ve been taking too long to finish the course so don’t believe that I’m doing it anymore.

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  49. Thank you for writing this! Finally, a well educated, eloquent person who can describe what poverty is truly like. I’m sick of rich idiots who think it’s some kind of choice, caused by eating too many take-out pizzas and buying large screen tvs.
    Most people don’t choose it and the government has forced more and more people into the awful cycle of poverty and depression. Not that you could get anti-depressants for that, they’re extortionately expensive!
    Good luck in your endeavours. Let’s try and turn this country around and hep each other out, instead of helping the rich to get richer and blaming the poor people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not disagreeing with you, but antidepressants cost the same as any other medication, an £8.05 NHS prescription charge. Which is quite a lot of money for some people, but no more extortionate than any other life-saving medication (and, as with any other prescription, free if you meet certain criteria).

      Just thought I’d point this out – I’m on antidepressants myself and wouldn’t want anyone who needs them to be put off by worrying about the cost.

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  50. You should be entitled to claim PIP, it doesn’t matter is you’re working. If you struggle with mobility or daily life you can claim for either or both. You get between £20 and £130 ish a week and it doesn’t matter what you or your partner make. https://www.gov.uk/pip/overview

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